What is Intimacy and why is it important?
Intimacy is a feeling of familiarity and togetherness, it is all about being emotionally connected to your significant other.
It involves learning to let your guard down and expressing your true feelings to your partner. Intimacy is what motivates your natural desire to touch, kiss and have sex one another.
In order for intimacy to thrive in your relationship, your partner has be able to know they can trust you with their deepest feelings and that you will be there for them when they need you.
Being able to share this level of a connection is probably the most rewarding things about a marriage.
One of the first indications that there is a lack of intimacy in your marriage is when the sex becomes extremely boring or is not happening at all.
A lack of intimacy is usually more hurting for one partner than the other. In most cases, one partner may be going through emotional torment while the other party hardly notices or cares.
Liam Nadem, a marriage councilor and Amazon.com best selling author, works with a lot of couples through his Stop Your Divorce program. Intimacy is usually one of the major issues he helps resolve when couples are having problems in their marriage. Liam says that If this is not checked and solved early enough, it can break the marriage because one partner may decide to search for intimacy somewhere else.
Here is some advice that can help with a lack intimacy in marriage
- Identify the main reason why intimacy has faded away.
In most cases people tend to associate this problem with the conviction “that he or she does not find me attract anymore” but it is important to note that there could be other reasons apart from attractiveness that are causing your spouse to pull away. It may be pressure or stress from work, family members or finances.
It is essential that you find out what might be the main reason why your spouse is unhappy or not interested in being affectionate or intimate. By finding out main causes of the problem and trying to minimize them, it will help him or her feel better about the marriage and life in general.
2. Try reconnecting emotionally with your spouse.
I love you, but I am not in love with you! Does this sound familiar? Try to reconnect emotionally with your spouse. If your wife or husband is holding out on sex, it is tempting to try to and have sex without preparing them emotionally first. While men find it easy to get aroused very quickly, women tend to prefer to take it slow and take time to get aroused before having sex.
A better approach would be to come up with ways that can make your spouse feel emotionally connected with you. This could start with something as simple as a joke or a funny story to make them laugh, reminding them of a fun or happy occasion that you shared or engaging in something that she or he enjoys. Add some fun or lightness back into your relationship and prepare the way for intimacy to flourish.
- Understand their intimacy style.
Not everyone loves to be touched or kissed! Some people tend to be more physical than others and all this points to your communication style. If he or she finds a touch a bit creepy then try other ways until when you find a way that clicks for them. It may be sound, like saying something affectionate or complimentary or sight–give them a particular smile or look. Liam Naden says that these techniques are usually overlooked but they have helped many couples rebuild intimacy in their relationships.
Having an in-depth understanding of these types of intimacy can go a long way in getting back that spark that brought you together in the first place.
This has to do with being close to your spouse in a physical manner. This may take the form
- Holding hands
- Having sex
This boosts endorphin levels as well as a hormone called oxytocin which can actually make your partner less likely to cheat.
This is considered to be a more psychological type of intimacy involving aspects such as communication and acknowledging the other person’s feelings.
In order to have emotional intimacy, trust must be established. This is because trust boosts honesty which in turn makes both parties more open to share their feelings and thoughts without the fear of judgment of ridicule.
Cognitive intimacy has to do with how couples communicate on a mental level, how their brains work, the differences as well as how they exchange concepts and ideas.
This can be considered as some kind of mental stimulation, and it has to do with having conversations, sharing opinions and pointing out the differences in which both couples view the world around them.
This has to do with sharing in activities without necessarily having to engage in conversation. This can take the form of
- Watching a sunset together
- Watching TV together
- Attending a concert
- Watching an artist sketch a drawing
This kind of intimacy stresses the importance of having one’s own distinct personality outside of the union, and coming together to share in life’s little treasures and experiences.
Now that you’ve been exposed to the types of intimacy, do you think that you’re currently giving your spouse the proper attention with regard to their style of intimacy?
4. Be patient with him or her.
Liam Nadem says that most people tend to become stressed when intimacy fades in their relationship. They become angry, hurt, irritated and even depressed if the problem persists for long. If you notice this, do not rush them, be patient and allow intimacy to roll back in slowly as you practice the three tips above. If he or she feels to be under pressure, you are likely to reduce the chances of redeeming your intimacy.
Intimacy is essential if your marriage is going to survive, if you are having intimacy issues in your marriage or relationship, this is a major problem.
If you are looking for a solution I recommend seeking marriage counseling from a specialist like Liam Naden or trying a Marriage Fitness Session with Dr. Mort Fertel.
Please feel free to share your comments and thoughts on the lack of intimacy in a marriage in the comment section below.
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