I smile as I write this post because I know I am going to get a call from one of the three women in my life that I am the closest to (wife, sister, mom) once they read it. Before you judge what I am about to say just based off the title of this post, please take a minute to hear me out.
First of all, every single person on this Earth has one thing in common. Not one of us is perfect. We all have flaws, we all make mistakes and most importantly we all stretch the truth from time to time.
It does not matter how truthful you intended to be, if you exaggerate a story, you are guilty of lying. I wanted to get that out of the way because I feel like all men are usually stereotyped as being liars, especially when it comes to relationships. Some women think a “white lie” excludes them from being classified as liars.
Now, back to the topic at hand. Do women make men lie? I vote yes. I am not saying I believe every lie a man tells is justified and that he should not be held accountable for his actions, but I am saying women play more of a role in the process than they may be willing to accept.
I like to think of myself as a pretty honest person, but I will admit a lot arguments between my wife and I have occurred because I lied by omission. If you don’t know what that means, it is purposely leaving out details in a story to avoid making yourself guilty.
I personally would rather leave out details in a story then tell a bold face lie. Not saying it makes any better, but I certainly don’t feel as guilty about it. Majority of the times I felt the need to leave out details in a story was more because I cared about my wife’s feelings rather than trying to throw her off my trail of deception.
In my mind, it was ok to leave out details because I was attempting to protect her from some type of disappointment or heartache. One of my readers here at Couples Skills gave me permission to share his story with you to better explain what I am trying to say. Here is his story:
When my wife and I were dating, I use to go out to the club quite a bit with the guys. If a song came on that I liked, I thought nothing of it to dance with other women. The next day when I would talk to my wife (girlfriend at the time) she would ask if I had a good time out with the guys and ask if I danced with any other women. At first I would freely admit that I did because I did not see the big deal with it.
My honesty led to arguments and caused my wife not to trust me anytime I went out to the club with the guys after that. She was concerned I would develop some type of emotional connection with the woman that were grinding on me in the club.
I understood where she was coming from, but the dances meant nothing to me. I felt I was doing nothing wrong. She was just my girlfriend at the time, but I loved her with all my heart and would never cheat on her. Yet and still I tried to see things from her point of view and decided I would change the way I danced with women in the club.
My wife agreed she could be ok with me dancing as long as the woman was not grinding her butt on me. Going forward I decided I would still go out to the club with my friends, but instead of letting a woman grind on me I would dance in front of her in a two step manner.
Every time I would start off dancing with a woman this way she would end up turning around and putting her butt on me to dance in the grind type fashion like everyone else was doing. So when the next day would come around and my wife asked if I danced with anyone, I would admit that I danced, but say I danced in front of her like we agreed.
At the end of the day, it was only a dance and it only happened once. I didn’t attempt to get her phone number afterwards or make any type of connection with her. Not to mention the last time my wife asked this question and I decided to be honest it led to a huge argument and kept her from wanting me to go out with my friends.
In this case, I lied to protect my wife’s feelings. I didn’t cheat on her and had no intentions of doing so. I feel like she made me lie to her.
If I had been honest and told her the truth she would have spent a couple nights crying herself to sleep. We would have gotten into a huge argument and she would have walked away from a good relationship for no reason. I felt she could not handle the truth so I left out the details to keep her from being crushed over a simple dance.
It turns out my dishonesty was uncovered a few weeks later when the club posted their photos on their website. One of her girlfriends spotted me in the picture with my hands in the air and the girls butt clearly in my pelvic region. My wife and I ended up working through it, but it took a long time for her to trust me after that.
It is like you are dammed if you tell the truth and dammed if you tell a lie.
As a guy that has been through similar situations with my significant other, I would tend to agree.
Was he wrong? Do women make men lie?
I am curious to hear what you think, please comment below and share your thoughts.