Opting for a divorce is often a single-sided decision.
But what are your options when faced with a divorce you do not want?
Many people panic and resort to all the wrong things in an effort to stop divorce from materializing.
This only pushes your spouse further from you.
A lot of people do not know what to do when things go bad. You need to know what will work and what does not work to stop divorce. Before we talk about things that never work to stop a divorce. You must first determine the reason you are considering it. Maybe it is for infidelity or maybe your spouse is a criminal? No matter the reason, consider working it out first, especially if this is their “first offense.”
Here are things that never work to stop divorce.
1. Reassuring them
Telling him or her that you have changed, you will not be controlling anymore, you will stop lying, you will not cheat on her again, and so forth never works.
This is because your reassurance does not address the root cause of the problem and in most cases is not sincere.
When you tell your spouse that you have changed, you are simply communicating that you have not changed.
You are wondering is this real? Just think about it, what is your motivation?
You want her back, right? So this is your way, you do not care what she wants.
Reassurance is a desperate reaction that must be avoided. Do not beg to stop divorce.
This will increase their determination to go ahead with the plan.
Pay attention to why your spouse is considering divorce.
Marriage counselors recommend you don’t agitate when your spouse informs you they want a divorce.
2. Saying “I love you” repeatedly
This will not work.
Every time you remind your spouse that you love them, you are actually telling them that what you want is more important than what they want.
This portrays you as selfish and unfeeling. You have not yet understood why they want the divorce.
By the time a spouse considers a divorce, love is no longer significant.
There are underlying problems that need to be addressed and this cannot be achieved through actions which can be interpreted as blackmail.
Therefore refrain from telling your spouse, “But, I love you.”
3. Arguing and reasoning with them
Trying to talk them into doing differently or feeling differently will never work.
Most people do not know that agreeing and sounding sincere to the other party, avoiding self defense or giving explanations will work to their advantage.
It is pointless to argue or reason with your spouse when they announce their intentions for a divorce.
If you are to stop divorce from happening, your main focus should be trying to understand why they want a divorce.
Arguments will breed disagreements and this may increase their determination to seek divorce.
Arguing and reasoning only shows insincerity towards your spouse’s feelings therefore aggravates the problem and will not stop divorce.
Dwelling on negative aspects of your relationship blurs the way you look at your spouse and makes you accept the divorce.
You will start finding fault with your wife or husband and justifying yourself.
You will become pessimistic and will not think that the marriage can be salvaged. But you cannot stop divorce with pessimism.
If you truly want your marriage to continue, you should not give up.
A negative attitude towards your spouse will not stop divorce and should therefore be avoided.
These are some of the strategies which never work to stop divorce. But people try them always!
Now, here are things you should be doing to stop divorce from wrecking your marriage.
5. Ignoring Their Criminal Behavior
If your spouse is suffering from some type of drug problem or bad habit like being a thief, pretending their behavior doesn’t exist wont make things get better. Instead of turning a blind eye and making excuses for them, call them out on their shortfalls then help them by hiring a expungement lawyer.
1. Listen and learn
Each of you has things you would like to say, want to defend and frustrations you want to voice. However, the ability to listen is very important.
Listen to what your partner is trying to communicate.
Consider how their feelings may have influenced their responses and actions.
A moment listening can alleviate hours of mis-understanding or mis-communication about what the exact issues are and the best way of dealing with them to stop divorce.
2. Be ready to make changes
Your spouse is seeking divorce because things have changed in your marriage.
Ponder what could have led to these changes.
It might be a lifestyle pattern which is ruining your marriage.
That is why it is important to consider the changes the two of you can make to improve your relationship.
This may mean a change of town or home, a change of jobs and a commitment to live your dream life rather than your current life.
The ability to visualize changes with an open mind will ensure the success of your marriage and stop divorce from happening.
3. Think and discuss solutions
It is easy to blame yourself or your spouse for the current predicament.
But this will not stop divorce. The best you can do is to consider and discuss solutions to the problems rocking your marriage.
Change your mindset from a problems and victim mindset to a solutions-based mindset.
What you should do right now is to be totally honest with yourself and your spouse.
Discuss any problem that could have led to the current dispute.
Do not be silent. When you open up to your partner and listen to their grievances, you are building trust.
4. Rebuild Trust
Trust is an integral component of any successful marriage. In order to stop divorce, you must rebuild that trust you had at first.
There are numerous trust building exercises you can practice. One of them is holding healthy conversations.
Learn to talk about everything with your spouse. Do not withhold anything.
Solving a problem early is the secret to avoiding disasters in a marriage.
5. Be Willing To Forgive
A divorce discussion will definitely bring forward some unpleasant things. These might be things your spouse said or did.
You may also be offended by some of the things she pointed about you.
It is even possible some of these are not true. You may be tempted to point fingers.
But this will not stop divorce or save your marriage.
You must be ready to forgive her if you want her to forgive you. Forget the past and forge ahead.
6. Take Positive Action
Some issues in your marriage may be too difficult to solve without seeking help.
It may be important to engage a marriage counselor or participate in a marriage counseling program.
Counseling will improve communication between you and creates an open environment that helps a couple in their quest to stop divorce and save their marriage.
It is possible that your spouse may not be very willing to seek external help.
However, if you explain this with love, your significant other will accept the need for a counselor.
Although it may seem difficult to stop divorce at first, taking these small steps can result to big improvements leading to a healthier and happier marriage.
Please share this article with someone that may be facing a divorce.