Marriage Communication Tips- The 30 Second Rule

couples arguing

Today’s article is about the importance of listening to your partner and how 30 seconds of silence can dramatically reduce your arguments.

I want to share one of my favorite Senior Soulmates & Marriage Counseling communication tips called the 30 second rule.

How many times have you had a disagreement with your significant other and said or done something you wish you could have taken back?

Sometimes in the heat of the moment it is tempting to yell, curse, point fingers, or reply to your partner with a smart comment.

Often times this type of behavior either escalates the argument or causes hurt and resentment.

I can remember so many times in the past responding to my wife and others with a sarcastic comment or rude tone during a heated debate and as soon as  the words left my mouth I was thinking I probably shouldn’t have said that.

Throughout the course of your relationship there are going to instances where you and your partner just do not see eye to eye on certain issues and that is ok.

We are all different and our morals, values and opinions differ based on many factors often beyond our control.

The important thing to remember is you do not always have to agree with your significant other, but you do have to respect how they feel.

Your partner simply wants to know that you understand what they are saying and you took the time to try and see the issue from their point of view.

This is an original marriage communication tip that you will not find online. I actually created it myself.

So where does the 30 second rule come in to play?

The 30 second rule is a technique you should use every time you are about to get in an argument with your significant other.

For example, let’s say you come home from work with a pizza, but this particular day your wife has spent several hours preparing a surprise dinner for you.

She has taken the time to cook your favorite meal and she is instantly hurt and angry once you walk in with the pizza.

You say something like well if you would cook more often then I would not bring home food and BOOM the argument starts.

What do you do?  Use the 30 second rule!  The first ten seconds after your partner’s last words should be pure silence from you.

You can even count out the ten seconds in you head.  Your partner may or may not start talking again during this time, if so remain silent.

The next set of ten seconds you should be processing what your partner is saying, it does not matter if you think they are right or wrong.

Put yourself in their shoes and think about how you would feel if you were them.

The last ten seconds of the process  is thinking of your response and what you will say to make your partner feel like you understand how they feel.

So to recap, the first ten seconds is silence to reset your brain’s focus, the next ten seconds is trying to understand where your partner is coming from by putting mentally yourself in their shoes and the last ten seconds should be used to think of  a response that shows you understand how your partner feels.

Avoid saying things like I am sorry YOU feel that way or I understand how you feel, but you are wrong.

These types of responses do not show you are taking ownership for hurting them.

Your response should be focused on letting them know you understood.

The appropriate response in this particular situation should be something like I understand how you feel and I am sorry followed by silence.

Be genuine and mean what you say.

This is your significant other so you should actually care about how they feel whether you agree with their opinion or not.

If 30 seconds is not enough time for you to calm down and complete these steps, then modify the time period and follow the process.

Try this marriage communication technique the next time you get in an argument with your significant other then comment on this article how it worked for you!

One last thing, If you Know someone who needs help with abuse, addiction, anger management, anxiety, creating the mental attitude to stop smoking, depression, eating disorders, marriage difficulties, parenting issues, sex therapy or stress? Go to or send them to: http://www.chooseonlinecounseling.com. This is my go source for pretty much anything!

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Lenny

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